53     COMMUNICATION

KEY CONCEPTS:  understanding, words, thoughts, actions, conflicts, disagreements, choosing words carefully, unwanted advice.

MESSAGE:  What caused this Chi-town conflict?  Was red-shirt Rex hogging the phone booth while Spike the grim greaser awaited an urgent call from his earth angel?  Did somebody dis Da Bears?  Maybe one of these outlaws offered the other some unwanted advice--now dhere’s a rush order for a knuckle sandwich. 

Communication isn’t supposed to spur sparring, but sadly it’s often the case.  Ponder a sec before expressing your most controversial views.  Is this the right crowd?  Could you say this in a mellower manner?  Sure, free speech is your right …but didn’t you want Rex to actually listen?  Strive for precise language:  words are worthless until understanding dawns.  It doesn’t behoove you to call an “orange” an “apple” when seeking comprehension.  Could you choose your phrases more cautiously?  It’s a challenge using speech to convey either smiles or tears.   Try gentler terms to avoid a quarrel.  How about answering with a question instead of an opinionated rant?   “Really?  Is that a fact?”  If you seek only to justify yourself, you’ve taken a wrong turn, dear traveler.     

What have you got to lose--the upper hand?  That’s only an issue when you’ve stopped communicating, kahuna. It takes two to argue; no one can get your goat unless you first set him loose.  Are you only content when you’re doing the talking?  Conversation’s a two-way street.  If the receiver cord gets cut, the pay phone’s out of order.  When chats curdle into contention, hang up quickly; say farewell in a courteous manner but don’t waste your time.  When coarse words morph into actions…have you considered where this step leads?  What purpose does it serve to knock out his front teeth?  Your freedom to swing your fist ends where the other guy’s face begins. 

Your conflict was never with Rex, nor his red shirt, nor his presence in your neighborhood.  The problem stems from your false concept of him.  Are you pondering duality or unity? Correct that misperception inside yourself, don’t throw punches.  Thank your adversary for his unsolicited advice.  Just because he’s doling it out doesn’t mean you must comply…nor take offense.  Perhaps you heard it wrong, or maybe you need to listen.  Phrases like “Thanks for the tip, pal,”  “I’ll give it some thought,”  or  “You could be right,” all could save some skin.  Hop on that bike, Spike, and agree to disagree.

Even if you’re the smoothest-talking dude in the Windy City…what’s it matter if no one’s listening?  Did you want to achieve rapport over time?  Try learning the other guy’s language.  Find some common ground; could you both enjoy an Italian Beef?  It’s better than this beef, and life’s too short for fisticuffs.  What’s the best possible reason for his bad behavior?  Maybe it’s that one.  No two people derive the same nuance from a single word; whether you speak the language of men or angels, a voice without understanding sounds a noisy, disconnect tone.

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